My Year of Quitting

So far, 2016 has been my year of quitting. I didn't do it on purpose. One thing just led to another and before I knew it, I'd pretty much removed myself from society. Here is how it's gone down:

1. I quit volunteering at The Music Hall in Portsmouth. Or at least, I tried to. Volunteering my time is super important to me, but sometimes there just isn't any time to give. Greeting patrons there and ushering was a great way to get myself out of the house and, as a bonus, get to see a free show or movie now and then. But Lofted Designs got extremely busy in January (see last post) and I felt guilty about never signing up for any volunteer shifts. So when the time came to confirm my commitment and sign on for another season with The Music Hall, I opted out. I didn't fill out the form. I quit. At least I tried to, but for some reason I continue to get their emails each week asking for help. Who knows...maybe I'll go back sometime.

2. I dropped out of my book club, which is actually way cooler than a regular book club (it's a deep dive into a specific topic for several months, looking at literature, film, cultural relevance, art, music, etc.), but the pressure of committing to regular get-togethers was too much. I might re-join again soon because they are discussing super interesting topics right now. I'm just feeling non-committal.

3. I stopped consigning my jewelry at Pear Tree Gifts in Dover, NH. I've been consigning jewelry there since the store opened, and long before that when it was Lucy's Art Emporium. It's a fabulous store, filled with many wonderful things, but consignment just isn't a good fit for my business right now. It took me a long time to come to terms with that.

4. Finally, I just recently made the decision to close my Etsy shop. It's temporary, but my work-life balance was (and is) way out of whack. Lofted Designs has never been my full-time job, but has always been a creative outlet and relief from a long list of full time jobs I didn't quite like. For years, I worked in bustling offices filled with energy and noise, and the studio in the loft was my respite. My evening and weekend haven, with space to myself, quiet if I needed it. About two years ago, I found a day job I actually like that allows me to work remotely from home! This removed some of the need for quiet studio time to myself and I "needed" the loft less and less.

Then, in the last few weeks, my day job got a little crazy. I've taken on some new responsibilities (not necessarily by choice) and I find myself traveling quite a bit and working until 7pm or 8pm most days just to keep up with the extra workload. This doesn't leave any time or energy for creativity in the evenings, and I am reserving my weekends for recovery from my weeks (i.e. doing absolutely nothing). I've received a few desperate emails from customers who were hoping to place orders and it pains me to view my shop stats and see all the sales that could have been, but I'd rather miss out on some Lofted Designs studio time and disappoint a few people than end up working 24/7 and risking my sanity.

So that's that. I'm hoping to relaunch the shop this summer with a new look and some exciting additions to my jewelry line. In the meantime, I'm coming to terms with being a quitter. And I think I'm OK with it.

Reflections on Running

I know I'm not the first person to blog about running this week. And I won't be the last. But today is special for me because it's my one year "RUNiversary". Exactly one year ago today, I shook off my "I hate running" mentality and began the Couch-to-5K® program.

In all honestly, I didn't think it would stick. I thought I'd try it out, confirm the hatred bred into me by torturous one-mile mandatory runs in high school gym class, and move on with my life. Yet here I am a year later, still pounding the pavement. And you know what? I don't hate it after all. I actually kinda, sorta, almost like it.

So, why in the world did I start running in the first place if I hated it so much? Because last year in 2012, I attended the Boston Marathon with my husband and two of our close friends. I was so moved and inspired by what I saw there that I needed to give it a try and see for myself. We watched the 2012 race from three different locations and took it all in, starting in Brookline, then hopping on the T and watching from mile 25, then finally making our way on foot to the finish line.

It was exciting to watch the elite runners speed past. But then came the families running together. The very young running alongside the very old. A father running and pushing his wheelchair-bound son. The groups of friends running for charity or in memory of a lost loved one. And the crowds – constantly cheering and rooting for complete strangers! I'd never seen anything like it. It was all so heavy and meaningful and overwhelming. Of course, it wasn't all smiles and rainbows; I witnessed tangible pain and sickness and struggle in the incredible record-breaking heat. But through it all, I could feel the energy pulsing through the city that day. And the triumphant expressions on people's faces as they neared the finish line – well, that was the closest I've ever been to witnessing that much undeniable, genuine human happiness at once. Huge smiles. Tears of joy.

I cannot even fathom or begin to process this year's horrific incident. I look at the images and they don't seem real to me. I can't reconcile the scene I witnessed just last year with the scenes on the news. It doesn't add up. Who would ever want to spoil something like this. How could this even be real? It doesn't make any sense. And it probably never will.

It is not lost on me that I was at the finish line last year at almost the exact same time this year's bombs went off. These photographs, taken at the flags directly across from the bleachers, bear a time stamp of 2:42pm – almost exactly one year before the explosions. Almost to the minute. 

We were supposed to go again this year, but I was unable to take a day off work.

Runners are a community built on health, strength, determination and good will. It's a community I am very proud to be a part of. I will keep running and hopefully celebrate many more runiversaries. But now I'm running with a little more purpose. Running for those who lost their lives in Boston on Marathon Monday. For those who were injured. And for those who came so close, but didn't get to cross the finish line that day. I'm running for them.